How Good That You Exist!

Everyone wants approval from other people. Some people are more desirous of approval than others, and some people are more aware than others of the existence of this desire within themselves. But the fact is, we all want to be approved of by others. Even gang members want to be approved of (at least by other members of their gang). In fact, that’s one of the main reasons that some adolescents seek out gang membership in the first place: to gain a sense of approval from their fellow gang members, to experience a sense of belonging and acceptance. Kids who experience approval at home, and who have a sense of belonging to a solid family, are far less likely to seek out a gang to join, and are far less likely to respond to a gang’s efforts to recruit them.

So what does it mean to “approve” of someone? Literally, it means to judge that person to be good, in the sense of having value or worth.[i] We all want to be judged to be valuable. We all want to be judged as being worth something. Josef Pieper, the insightful Roman Catholic philosopher from Germany, described the type of approval we seek, and the type of approval that others seek from us, as being captured by the exclamation, “How good that you exist!” We want other people to be glad that we exist, and other people want us to be glad that they exist. We all want to feel like we matter, that the world would be diminished by our absence.

You cannot truly love another person if you cannot honestly proclaim that it is good that they exist. You cannot truly love another person if you cannot first see some good in them. Finding some good in the other person is the first essential step toward being able to love them. And once you have found that good, you then have to continue to see the good in them, even at times when you may find that very difficult to do. Otherwise, love dies.

* This article is an excerpt from Rick’s latest book, The Book of Love: Brief Meditations

[i] Pieper, Faith, Hope, Love, 164.

Copyright 2023 Rick Clements

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