Celebrating Our First Christmas with Alzheimer’s Disease: Laughter Allowed

IT MAKES SENSE TO ME

by Larry Peterson

I guess the first time I realized that something was really wrong was about a year and a half ago. I have a bedroom I turned into an office, and I was sitting at the keyboard clicking away. I sensed someone behind me and turned to see my wife, Marty, standing there. She had a strange look on her face. I remember the moment because fear was etched across her face. “Hey,” I said. “What’s the matter?”

Then I noticed she was trembling. I stood up and went over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She stammered and sort of whispered, “I don’t know. I think I need your help.”

“Okay, what is it?”

Marty turned and headed down the hall past the living room and into the kitchen. I followed and noticed that she had her “cookie” stuff out.  As she had done so many times in the past, she was about to make the best old fashioned, home-made, chocolate-chip cookies I have ever had. Like a child, I said, “Oh, awesome, you’re making cookies. So, how can I help?”

She sighed and shook her head.  She began to cry and, looking at me, said, ” What is all this? I don’t know what it is for?”

The woman who had made thousands upon thousands of these cookies over the years had no memory of previously doing what she had done so many times before. She had placed the needed supplies on the counter and went to use the bathroom. When she returned a few minutes later, what had been virtually second nature to her had been erased from her mind. It was all gone.

She had come back to me for help because she KNEW something was terribly wrong inside her head, and this time the sudden, specific memory loss was scaring the hell out of her. She sobbed, “What is happening to me?”

She had been sick with Lymphoma since 2011. She had endured numerous cycles of chemotherapy to fight the disease. Anesthesia, required because of surgery in August (needed to repair a broken ankle), and an attack of A-Fib (Atrial Fibrillation) in September exacerbated the cognitive dysfunction. She was officially diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s Disease* on September 28.  And now we are approaching our first Christmas together with Alzheimer’s as our unwanted Christmas guest.

Guess what? It is OK. He will not ruin our Christmas. He is welcome to join us. That is because we have started to laugh again, more and more. And we are laughing at the insanity of living in Alzheimerville. And trust me, it can get quite wacky.

I have always had a bit of a flip attitude. It probably has helped me get through some tough times. So when Marty goes to the cardiologist and goes to sign in and cannot remember her name she looks at me for help. I smile and say, “Who cares Lucy, they know who you are. Just put down Lucille Ball.” She starts to laugh and I laugh and I write her name down for her. Not an issue.

The past ten years of her life seem to have literally vanished from her brain. She does not remember us getting married. (We were both widowed and married eight years ago. She has no clue.) So she asks me if we are really married. I show her our marriage license and pictures from our wedding. She is shocked. “I can’t believe it, ” she says. We really ARE married.”

Now, every night I say to her, “Okay, we can sleep together tonight. It’s not a sin.” She always laughs at that.

There are so many little, extraordinary things that happen every day. Being asked the same question over and over can become unnerving. I have turned it around to where I start by giving her the answer. For example, she asks me ten times a day, “How do you feel today?” After a few times I answer, “Today I feel like seeing you and that makes my day shiny.” It is a ridiculous answer but she likes it and I like it too.

I cannot count the things that have been moved to the strangest places. I have found the Parmesan cheese in the towel closet, unwashed clothes in the dryer. She makes coffee and tells me it is the worst coffee she ever had and I should let her make it. She has hair curlers that keep vanishing. I have found them in the garage, in the refrigerator, and under the kitchen sink. We had been searching for them and when I found them in the refrigerator I said loudly, “Here they are.”

She was standing nearby and turned to see me lifting the bag from next to the milk. I quickly asked, “Can I use these for curly fries?” I began to laugh and she shook her head and smiled. I gave her a hug, opened the freezer door and tossed the curlers in. “They are not frozen enough,” I said.  She began to laugh and so did I and, although shrouded in a dark moment, we laughed our way into the brightness of a new moment.

Marty has been captured and imprisoned by the most insidious of diseases. It is like a computer virus slowly deleting what is in memory. So far the last ten years are gone. That cursor is still clicking delete, delete, delete. The day will come when she will not even know who I am. I will do my best to keep her laughing and smiling as long as I can, and as long as she understands why we laugh.

As for me, I must admit, this entire situation has been wearing me down. There is a lot to do as a caregiver. I traveled a similar road with my first wife, Loretta, who died 12 years ago from cancer. She was sick a long time, but she never lost brain function. That is a very difficult thing to deal with 24/7. But you do what you have to do. If a man and a woman love each other that is the way it should be, HAPPY to be there for each other, no matter what. We both took vows before God and man to that effect and, for me, they remain in full force until death.

Our biggest friend in all of this is our Catholic faith. It is there for us through the Holy Mass, through Our Lord Jesus, through Our Blessed Mother and through the examples and intercessions of so many great saints, reinforced every day by prayers from our family and friends. In fact, I did attend Mass this morning and I had a bit of an epiphany. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself when I realized I had been given a Christmas gift from God Himself.

This gift is my ill wife afflicted with a disease that is unstoppable and incurable. She is foremost God’s child, and now she needs someone to take care of her just as she did years ago when she was a child. We met at church and were married in church. An unlikely couple, I know that God brought us together. Maybe this is why. Because during the Christmas season of 2014 I realized that besides a wife, HE has given me one of HIS children to care for. I will do my best to make Him proud. I will also do my best to keep us laughing. It is all GOOD.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
________________________________________________________________________

* In case you do not know this, Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia are NOT the same thing. Alzheimer’s is the number one cause of dementia but there are over 150 different causes.

 

Copyright Larry Peterson 2014

A Writer’s Nemesis–an Unapologetic Computer

When I got my hands on my first Smith-Corona H Series Correctable Typewriter, I was in my glory. I was also in control.   Then…along came computers and the word-processing phenomenon.  Writers were thrilled at the technology: Spell-check, formatting, multiple fonts, save options and mailing options,  all at the click of a mouse.   But there was a dark side to all of this, and I have found it; or rather, it found me.   When  something went awry most of the time I was  lost.  The worst part was I did not know what to do.  I was at the mercy of forces beyond my tech challenged brain.  Yes…I had lost control of my writer’s world.

As writers we have all experienced the ‘glitches’ that come along in dealing with computers and the cyber universe they dwell in.  It is as if they do not want us to come into their world.  It is okay to stand in the foyer but that’s close enough.  If you get too close you suddenly have dropped text, lost messages, frozen screens and so on.  Why, one time  Google even blocked the Internet by mistake.  (Maybe there was a mob at the door.)   I think we all have our individual dark sides in the invisible universe. They are  like small black-holes ready to suck you in and devour you before you even know  what happened.

I discovered that my dark side exists in the tech end of cyber world. I have also found that I am just one of many computer users who know very little about computer repair,  especially if it involves  software.   I do try very hard not to open up unknown or suspicious items.  I also do a disk cleanup often and defrag and all of that stuff.   I do that because I know what can happen if I “click wrongly” and, when I do, the result  ain’t pretty.  Finally, I have Norton anti-virus.  Oh well, the fact is, if I do “click” wrong none of that matters anyway.  It is the proverbial ‘two edged sword’.

My two published books have been returned to me because my publisher is going out of business effective June 1.  (Obviously, my  books did not hit the best  seller list).   I have also been given my blogsite to tend to.  I do not know how.  With the assistance of the publisher I have managed to republish the book on Amazon and Smashwords. But I have no idea how to update the blog site with the new editions.  This is what I mean about losing control.  In addition, I had my email account with Verizon for 13 years. I cancelled it 15 months ago saving $50.00 a month by using Bright House.  Verizon told me that was ‘just fine” to keep the Verizon address.  Like an idiot, I believed them.

So (the day after I found out about the books) my email stopped working. I was sure I had “clicked” something wrong and it took six hours to find out Verizon had disconnected it. It took six hours because they did not know they had done it,  and there was nothing anyone could do about it because their computer had done it and that was that, end of story.  Many people apologized but the computer did NOT apologize.

Bottom line: we are at the mercy of cyber forces that can get us at any time.  We need to learn more about that other world before it gets us like it did everyone in “Terminator III: Rise of the Machines”.  In that movie  “Skynet”, the computer system,  takes over control from mankind unleashing worldwide, thermonuclear war. No one can stop it, not even Arnold.  I guess that old Smith-Corona had a very positive side after all.  We were smarter.

NaNoWriMo Approacheth!

Writing on a deadlineWhat is NaNoWriMo? For the uninitiated, this acronym is short for National Novel Writing Month, and it has taken place every November since its inception in 1999. The idea is to crank out 50,000 words between November 1 and November 30—which works out to be 1667 words per day. Every day. On a novel, specifically a new novel.

Why would any sane person take part in such a venture? (I have asked myself that very question, usually at five in the morning as I rub the sleep out of my eyes and stare at the glowing computer screen…)

First and foremost, it’s FUN! Really! Put that infernal internal editor on the back burner and let your creative side take over! When you write that fast and that consistently, you don’t have time to agonize over word choices or plot points. True, a lot of what you might write is drivel, but I can guarantee you that there will be a wealth of gold and gems in what you produce. (More than you think.) The best part is that you actually end up with words that can be edited—as opposed to a blank computer screen with a blinking cursor and anxiety because you haven’t produced anything.  :-/

Writing is a solitary activity; therefore, perhaps the most important element of NaNo is community. There are lots of forums on the site itself, and many groups, such as CWG, create their own small communities for the month. There’s a move afoot on the CWG Yahoo group and the Facebook group to get one going. (CWG members, contact Ann Lewis or Karina Fabian if you haven’t been invited to these groups yet.)

Even more fun, many regional groups have sprung up and organize “write-ins.” Can you imagine how much fun is it to go to a sponsoring coffee shop and be part of twenty or fifty folks tapping away at their computers on a blustery November evening?!! There are kick-off parties before NaNo begins, and celebration parties after it ends. If you follow the official rules and win, you get a cool NaNo icon to put on your website. And you get a “participant” icon just for making the effort.

One of the byproducts of the discipline of NaNo is confidence. You discover it is possible to crank out lots of words—and you discover that your creative side wants to come out and play. Like any talent, the more you use and hone it, the stronger it becomes. Lauren Sapala has written a great blog on the benefits of NaNoWriMo.

Think about it. This time next month, you could be nearing the middle or end of your novel! I will admit that I’ve never completed the 50k goal—but I’ve hit more than 20k. Without the challenge, I would have written maybe 5k words for the month. Whether you “win” or not, it’s worth a try.

Will you? If you’ve never tried it before, why not? Do you think you might try this year? If you’ve done NaNo before, share your experience—the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Creaky Bones? Fitness for Writers

Spring Break Joy from morgueFile Free Photos - clconroyMy granddaughter, who is three, thinks that I am really (stretch that word out for maximum effect) old. We have a standing joke: Gramma has ‘creaky bones’. We even have a song and a dance to go with it, and it’s great fun. Of course, I’m not that old, nor do I have creaky bones. Er, well, since this is the Catholic Writers Blog, I’d better be totally truthful.

Most of the time I don’t have creaky bones.

But sometimes I do, and this condition is most often associated with writing, one of my favorite activities in the world.

However, writing is a solitary activity that is most often done while sitting. There are some issues common to writers, simply because of the nature of the work. Neck soreness, posture problems, difficulty in managing weight, carpal tunnel syndrome… The list goes on, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you can add to it.

Big, big disclaimer here! I am not giving any medical advice, just pointing out common sense things we can do to counteract the, ahem, hazards of our profession. For some great discussion and support, visit The Healthy Writer. This blog was formed a couple of years ago by authors who recognized the benefits of raising awareness regarding health topics specific to writers.

One of the first things to address is the ergonomics of your work station. Invest in a great chair – not a good chair, a great one. Find one that encourages – nay! – compels good posture. You’ll have to provide the muscle for attaining and maintaining that posture, although often all that is required awareness of your spine, shoulders, and alignment. For me, when I think about it, I sit up straight. When I don’t, I can count on encountering creaky bones.

Getting up from the chair is important, too. Some writers set timers to stay in the chair and write; don’t overlook the idea of setting a timer to get out of the chair once an hour and walk around. I sometimes lose track of time when I’m absorbed in my work, and when I surface, I’m stiff. It helps to get up, step outside, and remind myself there is a beautiful world out there. It clears my mind, too, which is always a plus when I go back to work.

You can spend a lot of money to buy a treadmill work station, as they are making inroads in some work environments.  Or you can jerry-rig a desk to an existing treadmill. (I did mine with a piece of plywood and a couple of bungee cords.) Either way, set it at a very low pace and write as you stroll. While you aren’t building a sweat and knocking out the miles, you are moving. Here’s a great example of making it fun, too: award-winning author Caroline Fyffe “Walking Across America” on her treadmill. There are also stationary bicycles out there that incorporate a built-on desk. Again, with a bit of ingenuity, you can get a similar end product without spending as many dollars. (*I am not endorsing any products; these were simply links I came across while researching.)

Stretching, yoga, or swimming can be good for tight muscles. Weight lifting can build muscle and increase metabolism. Pay attention to what you put into your body, too. Choose healthy foods; drink adequate water and don’t overdose on caffeine, that quintessential author staple!

Some simple stretches that I’ve learned (again, check with a doctor or physical therapist if you have any musculoskeletal issues) include putting my arms out to the side, elbows level with or slightly above my shoulders, then bending at the elbow and lifting my hands so I look like a football goal post; I find a door and rest my forearms and palms on the jambs and gently lean forward. This gives a great stretch to the chest muscles, which tend to tighten up as I hunch over the computer.

Another great one: extend one arm straight out to the front at or near shoulder height, palm up; bend the wrist so palm is up and out, away from the body, and fingers point toward the floor. Use the other hand to apply gentle traction to palm and fingers for stretching. This may help relieve symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome.

For any stretch, do what you are able and do not force a stretch, ever. Also, never bounce or apply jerky pressure to a stretch.

If you’re on a deadline or feeling pressured, take frequent breaks to roll your shoulders and roatate your head and neck. The best stress-buster of all? Hugs. You can’t find a better tension reliever than that.

Do you deal with other physical challenges as a result of your vocation as writer? Have any tips for the rest of us? Please share! I know I’m not the only one!

Tag! You’re It! Writing Dialogue in Fiction

 “Hi, Beth,” waved Justin.

“Why, Justin, I haven’t seen you since our high school prom six years ago, the one where our mutual friend, Erik, got suspended for spiking the punch,” gushed Beth.

“Ho, ho,” chortled Justin. “Those were the days! He went on to become a successful, if whacky and innovative executive with an online social network. What have you been doing since then?” he queried.

“As you know, my family life was difficult and I had many obstacles to overcome, but I triumphed by speeding through college in record time, completing my undergraduate, double major degree in only two years, and am graduating from medical school next week,” Beth elaborated.

Are you bored yet? Grinding your teeth and wanting to throw this story across the room? I am; it was painful writing it!

Good dialogue can carry a story; conversely, badly written dialogue can sink one faster than the Titanic’s spectacular and ignominious end. Many resources are available, from Renni Browne and Dave King’s Self Editing for Fiction Writers, Second Edition to Write Great Fiction: Dialogue by Gloria Kempton, and more. If a good book on the craft of writing dialogue doesn’t reside on your shelf, I strongly suggest you consider acquiring one.

Let’s examine this fragment to see why it’s so grating. There are four issues here: dialogue tags, stilted language, indistinct voice, and information dump.

Dialogue tags are the words we use to indicate that a character is speaking. When I wrote the first draft of my first novel, I spent hours dreamily staring into space while trying to conjure the cleverest dialogue tags ever. My characters retorted, snorted, coughed, shivered and quivered their lines. After reading the above example, you can see how awful it was!

In reality, you only need a few simple guidelines.

1. Use the word ‘said’ whenever necessary. It’s an almost invisible word to the reader, whereas all the chortles, queries, etc. do nothing but draw attention to the author—not the story. The author should be entirely invisible, and your goal is to keep the reader engrossed in the story, not yanked out by strange word choices.

2. Keep in mind that physical actions are not involved in uttering speech. Rather than succumb to the temptation of using the action as a tag, use it in a separate sentence as a ‘beat’ that reveals body language and moves the story forward. For example: Justin pulled up short when he recognized the woman approaching him. A spurt of pleasure shot through him, and he waved. “Hi, Beth!” (Note how this example could go any number of directions. Maybe he wanted to avoid her, but couldn’t; maybe his response is anger over an unresolved conflict. Whatever the case, the greeting becomes much more complex and compelling.)

3. If only two persons are involved in a stream of dialogue, omit tags entirely. This works especially well when the characters’ voices are so different that it is obvious who is speaking by their speech patterns. But don’t be afraid to add an occasional beat to keep it clear for the reader.

Which leads us to stilted language and indistinct voice.

The best way to avoid stilted language is to read your dialogue out loud. If it feels or sounds awkward, change it. Each character should have distinctive speech patterns, too; make sure the words and delivery you choose remains authentic to the individual character. As you read the dialogue out loud, it should be obvious which character is speaking at any given time. Let’s make Justin a Texas cowboy and Beth a California Valley girl (yes, I know I’m dating myself, but it’s an easy ‘dialect’ to show for our purposes).

Now we have: A spurt of pleasure shot through Justin when he recognized the woman approaching him on the sidewalk. He whipped off his ten-gallon hat and waved. “Howdy, Beth! I ain’t seen you for a coon’s age.”

Beth, preoccupied with her Smartphone, lifted her gaze. A smile wreathed her face and she squealed. “Ohmygosh! Justin! It’s been, like, too-too long! Since high school?”  As you can see, these two wildly different styles will never overlap in dialogue. Not all characters will be such polar opposites, but if you give each character a distinctive voice, whether through style (i.e., women tend to use longer sentences, while men tend more toward brief statements) or specific verbal traits, it will strengthen both their characterization and their dialogue.

A word about foreign words and idioms: a little goes a long way. If your character is fluent in French and sprinkles French phrases into her speech, limit those to one every few pages. If a character’s speech is very back-woodsy and old fashioned, pick one word to highlight that pattern and write the rest in ‘regular’ English. For a southern drawl or an Irish brogue, use that as a descriptor outside of the dialogue and use word choice and placement to reinforce the pattern. Trust your reader to catch on. They will.

Last: information dumps. This is where characters bring in information that the author wants the reader to know but doesn’t have an organic way to get it across. Hence, awkward dialogue that no one in real life would use, such as: He went on to become a successful, if whacky and innovative executive with an online social network.

When you find those in your writing, ask yourself if the information is truly important. If so, is it crucial at this point in the story? If yes, then find a more relaxed way to get it into the story, either as internal dialogue (Beth’s mind went back to the last time she’d seen Justin. The high school prom. The one where Erik had been suspended for spiking the punch. “Justin! It’s been years!”), or in more natural sounding dialogue (“Justin! It’s been years!” Beth’s face heated at the memory of their high school prom. “I’m still embarrassed at how I acted after—“ She broke off her sentence, and Justin, grinning, finished it for her. “After  Erik spiked the punch.”

Dialogue can make your story sing, and those who can do it well often do well on other aspects of the craft. As a plus, the more of your story you can tell via dialogue, the better the structure will be, so it’s worth the effort to improve your skills in this area.

What are your tricks or tenets about writing dialogue? This has been a quick and dirty, and by no means comprehensive look at writing dialogue. Please share your experience!

 

 

One of my Favorite Characters, Sister Grace

I’m excited to blog today about one of my dear characters, Sister Grace, for two reasons:  First, her second book came out this month—Live and Let Fly.  Second, her story, Siren Spell, comes out today from Flying Island Press.

Sister Grace is not your typical nun.  First of all, she’s not from our world.  She was born in Ireland, but in the Faerie dimension, where magic, elves, demigods and all manner of unusual creatures are a fact of life.  Secondly, she’s not fully human—but I’ll let you read about that in Flying Island.  Suffice to say, it gave her some very powerful magical ability, which for the safety of herself and everyone, were consecrated to God when she was very young,  Currently, Sister Grace is partnered with a dragon, Vern, and they run a private investigations agency here in our world.  Most of the time they handle mundane (and Mundane) cases like finding lost animals or assisting the police when magic might be in play.  Every so often, they have to take on major supernatural baddies  to save our world and Faerie.

Grace is the perfect complement to a snarky, cynical and sometimes selfish dragon.  She’s got the spunk—and the grace—to keep him in line and following God’s direction more willingly than he usually does.  She’s also helped him enjoy his current situation.  Vern is good for her, too—she feels protected and secure with him, and he makes her laugh, which she hadn’t done for a long time before they met.  He also gave her the confidence to use her magic again after having faced some difficult temptations at the hands of some demons.  The two love each other dearly—which makes things a little awkward when Vern turns human for the case in Live and Let Fly.

That’s what I love about Grace, though.  She’s spiritual and utterly devoted to God, but she’s nonetheless human.  She’s been known to lose her temper, grab people by the ear, even get into magical spats with other beings.  She lets Vern get away with stuff now and then.  (Check out Vern’s “Apologia on Extortion,” http:// flowersonthefence.blogspot.com.)  But she’s also ready to sacrifice herself for others and always ready to follow God’s call.  And her reaction to seeing her very best friend as a gorgeous guy?  “Mary loved her sweet Joseph, and there have been plenty of married but celibate saints.  I’ll be fine.  But, just don’t touch me.”

Spirit, spunk, and a big dose of practicality.  That’s Sister Grace.

About Live and Let Fly:

The magic is Faerie.  The technology, Mundane.  When they meet, the survival of the world rests in one dragon’s…er…claws.  See Vern as you’ve never seen him before!  

For a dragon detective with a magic-slinging nun as a partner, saving the worlds gets routine. So, when the US government hires Vern and Sister Grace to recover stolen secrets for creating a new Interdimensional Gap– secrets the US would like to keep, thank you—Vern sees a chance to play Dragon-Oh-Seven.

No human spy, however, ever went up against a Norse goddess determined to use those secrets to rescue her husband. Sigyn will move heaven and earth to get Loki—and use the best and worst of our world against anyone who tries to stop her.
It’s super-spy spoofing at its best with exotic locations (Idaho–exotic?  Well, it is to them!), maniacal middle-managers, secret agent men, teen rock stars in trouble, man-eating animatronics, evil overlords and more!

Here’s an Excerpt with Vern and Grace talking the details of a case:

“Sure it was 2:30, exactly?”

Grace pulled off her shoes and massaged her feet. Then she wiggled her toes. She’s never cared for shoes. “They didn’t say exactly. Why?”

“Something about that time…”

Grace waited patiently while I mulled it over, then wracked my brains. Once upon a time, everything I learned I remembered; now “Wisdom of the Ages” is just a tag line on my Yellow Pages ad. I had my excellent memory back, but only of more recent events, and not always with perfect recall. There was something about the Gap and 2:30. Two-thirty. Two hundred thirty. Two-Three-Oh…

I felt more than heard Grace begin a prayer. She did that sometimes, prayed that a particular bit of knowledge would come to me. In fact, in our first case, her novena caused me to translate a popular song that turned out to be an ancient summoning rite—just in time, too.

I let it go. If there was something about the time we needed to know, God would help me remember. I settled myself down, arms tucked under my chest, and said my own dragon-style prayers until I saw Grace cross herself. “Hungry?”

“Ach, no. I’ve been filled with snacks.”

“Sure, nuns get pastries, but who feeds the dragon? After all, by now they know I prefer lunch meat over lovely maidens.”

She chuckled. “Well, someone hit a doe on the Gap road. Randy asked me to see if you were interested.”

“Best tip I’ve had all day. So how was the wedding?”

“Beautiful. Very simple, very heartfelt. A pleasure to sing at.”

I couldn’t help but grin at Grace’s starry gaze. Who said nuns can’t be romantics, too?

Then her expression changed. “Vern, do ye not think it’s time to apologize to Kitty?”

“Apologize?” I resisted the urge to ask, “What for,” since she’d come up with a list as long as my tail. “If I apologize to McGrue, she’ll only take that as evidence that she’s won somehow. That woman is as bad as—”

“—a dragon?”

There were times I’d rather face McGrue’s accusative stares than Grace’s guileless looks. Couldn’t she at least arch an eyebrow or something?

“I’m going to see what I can pick up at the Colt’s Hoof,” I growled on my way out.

Purchase on Amazon:  http://tinyurl.com/amazonllf

Purchase from Publisher: http://tinyurl.com/LiveAndLetFly