(Mis)interpreting God’s Will
About eight months ago, my husband was laid off. Thankfully, he was given a three-month severance, so we were not immediately strained. However, I’m a stay-at-home-mom with our four daughters, and the reality of not having an income felt overwhelming and stressful. Even if we don’t worship money and make it our priority, we still need it to pay the bills.
Before he was let go, my husband had started really struggling with his job, and had actually already started looking for work elsewhere. This layoff, we thought, was a beautiful gift from God to allow him to spend more time applying and interviewing to find the right position for him. We both felt confident that he would secure a new position before the severance expired.
As the first three months drew to a close, with not a single job offer despite more than fifty applications submitted and countless interviews, our hearts started to listen for God’s will taking us in a different direction. Maybe, I suggested one day, we could look into long-term missionary work. My husband, surprisingly, didn’t disagree.
I began researching companies and found one that seemed to be the right fit. We submitted an application, completed the initial interview, and began the official discernment process. We thought we had figured out the meaning of his job loss. God wanted to clear the path so we could become full-time missionaries.
It didn’t take long for us to realize that four kids who would be between 13 and 9 would not thrive in that environment. At this point, I fell into despair. If my husband didn’t lose his job to find a better one, and not so we could become missionaries, what was the meaning of it all? Why, God? We felt entirely ready to do His will, but for the life of us, we just couldn’t figure that out.
Then, with his newfound free time, my husband agreed to help support me in the endeavor of self-publishing my first children’s chapter book. The process has been arduous. As it turns out, the writing is actually a very small portion of publishing. But with my husband’s encouragement, accountability, support, and technical know-how, I am now a published author with more books for the series in the pipeline. My book is a special piece of my heart that I’ve written for my children, and I know that God has willed it into existence.
A year ago, being a published author was a dream I hoped might happen in three to five years―if ever. Today, I’m autographing books for kids across the county. Yet this book won’t pay the bills (they rarely do), and I honestly don’t know what the future holds for us. For today, I’ve stopped trying to figure it out. I don’t know what doors will close and what windows will fly open. All I know is that God will take care of us.
Sometimes I get so caught up in understanding the meaning of everything and wanting to know the future, that I forget that God is the present. When He spoke to Moses, He said “I AM” (cf. Exodus 3:14). He didn’t say, “I WAS.” He didn’t say, “I WILL BE.” God is always and forever the present tense. Today, we have a roof over our heads, food in the pantry, and more to rejoice over than there are minutes in the day. Today, I will write as I am commanded, and do whatever He tells me. And if I can do that again tomorrow and the day after, He will continue to provide.
I’m sure I’m not done misinterpreting God’s Will in my life. Each time, I pray that I will recognize my folly and recenter myself in His present will. I pray I continue doing today what is asked of me, and trusting that even though I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, I have nothing to fear.
Copyright 2022 Maria Riley
Images:Uoaei1, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons; Eekim, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons.
